It lingered on my mind in my not-so-deep sleep last night. When I read the post I thought to myself "I think I'm good at accepting things as they are, with all their imperfections." It's not always easy, but I can do it.
But than, I am quite upset with myself and at the bottom of it is not accepting myself as a parent. I think/feel (just to include that nasty sensation of tightness in my chest) that I am not doing good enough job of parenting. I am really challenged by my children's difficult behaviors sometimes and finding that a lot of the time I am simply not patient enough. And it does get worse - I find that some of the time I'm not loving enough.
Underneath this impatience and "insufficient" love I know that at times I'm not accepting my children as they are. And (external signal) things get difficult.
All of Kendra's thoughts on this subject fell onto fertile ground, as I read it after I "flipped" yesterday. Dropping the parenting ball in a way I did is just so horrid and inexcusable. I'm upset with myself for not knowing better.
I felt so battered that all I could handle was to snuggle up on the sofa after children's bedtime and knit L's soft angora scarf, which mirrors the colour of his eyes, and seek consolation in a gentle click-clack of the needles.
I woke up early brimming with bitter feelings, hence I'm in the kitchen now pouring out my sad thoughts, and wanting to make up.
The bottom line is that ACCEPTANCE = LOVE.
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2 comments:
I guess sometimes it's easier to accept things than others. I'm always trying to find the right balance, accept what I can't change, change what I can (if it needs changing) and just remember how wonderful most of my life is. Hope you're feeling better today and glad that you have knitting to soothe you.
I hope that you are feeling a bit better now.
The angora scarf does look like very comforting knitting.
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